Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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