I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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