and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
