You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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