Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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