you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
