This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
