jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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