i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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