$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
