I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
