dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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