How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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