Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
