My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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