Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
