omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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