he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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