i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
