oh god the rape fog is back!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
