Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
