we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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