i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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