last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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