He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
