i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im part way to drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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