apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
