I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
