We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
