Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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