he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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