I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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