Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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