in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
