smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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