wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
