the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
