Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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