May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
