I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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