So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
