I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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