you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
