I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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