woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
