my vag is so smooth its legendary
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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