I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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