I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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