My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
