She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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