If i come over, it means nothing
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
