just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm passing your future prison.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
