I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
