how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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