I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
