Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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