Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
