so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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