If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
