i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
