So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
