whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
