you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
