i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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